Consulting Mystics

Having had an epiphany during the last episode of America's Next Top Model, I was forced to watch it again this week. Welllll, that and I may very well be the show's #1 fan! To review: the message was to, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" and since then I've made an appointment with my GP, started a team for the local MS Walk, and researched like a banshee. Banshee's research, right?

I sat attentively through the entire episode and got absolutely nothing. Nada! There was drama in the model's house. Nothing! The Molly Ringwald, Annie Lennox lookin' chick got the boot. So what? I didn't care. Still don't. Zilch! Thus, a mystic, Tyra Banks may not actually be.

It wasn't until this morning as I ignored my surroundings and went straight for Dell that a message was sent to me. Not an email or post mind you, 'cause it happened as Dell was booting up. The little windows emblem had appeared followed by my desktop background of Gooch. Then icons galore appeared to the left of his head. Ahhhh, where to go? Infinite possibilities.

You know what? I didn't care where I went. What good was all this exhausting so-called work doing anybody? It certainly wasn't helping my family. I'd been neglecting them since this whole story broke. "Just a minute darlin' Mommy's on the computer."

And me? It's not doing me any good either. Countless inquiries to docs, clinics, and media only to get back - one, just one of hundreds sent out, one genericesque, "Interesting. We'll look into that." My heart had not been where it was supposed to in quite some time. And now, well, it wasn't anywhere.

Hmmmmm . . . missing my heart? Maybe that had been Tyra's message all along! So I commenced to doing some more research, this time of the cardio nature. I read til my eyes crossed. Did you know right up the road a ways in little ole Evansville, Indiana we have trail blazing heart docs.

Seems to me they like being firsts. For example, first to do this. First to offer that. Word on the net is they do pretty awesome c - a - r - d - i - o - v - a - s - c - u - l - a - r. Get this? Vascular is fancy talk for - wait for it, wait for it - veins. And that's not all followers! Blood backs up in MSers brains causing damage, but where's it supposed to go? The heart!

Without a thought veins are roto-rooted daily in heart patients. Why not MS patients? Sure the heart patients are about to die of heart attack or stroke. I get that. Fine. And all that happens to us MSers is we lose control over our bodies. We limp. We fall. We piss ourselves. And then we forget we did any of the aforementioned.

The list of what we go thru is neverending. At first no one can even tell there's anything wrong. Then comes the fatigue. "Well, she's always been lazy!" Little things come and go, but mostly come and stay. Stuff like numbness, shaky hands, loss of grip, lack of temperature regulation, hyper reflexes, spasticity, leg jerking, slurring speech, headaches - all minor stuff, I feel horrible even mentioning. Then we graduate to wearing diapers, using assistive devices and putting off bathing for as long as we can stand our own stinch. Eventually we become drooling bedridden vegetables, mere shells of our former selves.

And I haven't even touched on the emotional rollercoaster. I've missed out on so much of my boys' lifes already. And I miss out on even more as they get older and involved in more stuff. I get older too, and ummm, let's call it more involved in MS. My boys are only 6 and 9 and since this glimmer of hope I have realized one thing above all others - they haven't even met me! Not the real me. I think they'll really like me. I hope they get to meet me!

Anyways, I'm off the point again. Heart patients vs. MS patients! What's the difference? Heart peeps could die and MS peeps, well, they're just sentenced to a horrific road to death. They say MS don't kill ya, welllllll, let's explore that a tic. Aside from suicide, (which just so happens to be a prominent cause od death among MSers), what exactly do we die of? Pay attention. There may be a test later.

Auto accidents? Was the MSer driving? Injuries due to a fall? Yeh, it happens. And what of my fave MSer, Richard Pryor? I'll give you one guess. His obit read: "Pryor passed away December 10, 2005 finally succumbing to his long bout (diagnosed in '86) with multiple sclerosis. He suffered a heart attack and died in a hospital in Los Angeles. He was 65." What's this? A heart related death? Investigate, you'll find more if you can get thru the suicides and accidents - the heart stuff will overwhelm ya.

It sure has me shaking in my Pumas. I'm doomed I tell ya. Doomed! I've got heart troubles in my mom's and dad's families. Lord, help me! So what was my point again? Ahhh, yes. I may have been barking up the wrong tree this whole time. An update then: tomorrow I see my GP and I promise to keep my gun at home. No? In the car? No? Well, at least in my purse . . .

I'll let you all know how it goes. Then my plan is to attempt to walk for a cure on Saturday. Did you check out my Facebook wall? I'm gonna try and be a hypeman for CCSVI and spread the word - not the dime. They got enough of my money already! Wanna join me? Then Sunday's church and RELAX, ALREADY GEEEESH!

I know I'm writing myself an awfully tall order to fill. What actually gets accomplished remains to be seen. Such is a life with MS. Anyways, next week's agenda, no matter what mystic Tyra has to say - I'm puttin' on my tin suit and goin' searchin' for a heart . . . . . . . doc!