Can I make it? 3 entries 3 days in a row? Surely not. Surely, dear readers, you must be dreaming. No? Stuck in a nightmare then maybe? A nightmare on, ummmm, I dunno, . . . Elm Street perhaps? 'Ol Freddy Krueger could get me now with no problem. Creepy bastard! They just don't make scary movies like they used to.
WARNING: Sick of my MS at this point in time. Sicker even than usual, if that's even possible . . . the following entry will contain little to nothing at all pertaining to my disability. And even less than that about my journey towards LIBERATION. Which by the way did you hear we're all supposed to stop referring to it as that? I'm sickening of this Underground Railroad bullshit, I tell ya! SICK! But I digress. Back to the movies, shall we?
So they just don't make 'em like they used to. And, you know what? That's not such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, that having been said, I'll spare you from the originally planned path this entry was bound for. I'll spare you a vivid recount of the nightmares I had as a kiddo. Of Freddy himself chasing me thru my own house. Sicko never got me. And he's only in my dreams afterall so I can make of them whatever I want. So there, Fred! Take that!
I can go all G.I. Jane on ya. Or Hannibal the cannibal. Or maybe go slo-mo Matrix. How 'bout I sick an army of Oompa Loompas on ya? Clearly I need to add some more movies to my repetoire. Perhaps that's what I'll do next. Right after I magically pop some popcorn from upstairs in my bed. Magically I say because at the present time I'm stranded. Ewww! Ewww! Ewww! This little situation calls for a song . . . *clears throat*
Sung in the key of "J" for John Travolta. *clears throat again* "Stranded at the drive-in. Branded a fool. What will they say? Monday at school . . ." Wanna join me? Anyone? Want me to zip it? Yeh? Well, you don't gotta be so rude about it. GREASE is the word! And a hickie from Kinicky's like a Hallmark card! Another of my favorites if you hadn't already guessed. "Elvis, Elvis, let me be!" I wanted to be Rizzo someday. On stage or in life, didn't matter.
Perhaps the only girl I'd wanted to be even more was Ariel. And no, not the cartoon mermaid! The uber hot one from 'Footloose.' What a bad ass. Red boots! And Ren McCormack! What more could a girl ask for? With Sarah Jessica Parker as a best friend, how could she ever go wrong? No doubt I would have worn a shorter dress to the dance, but I'll forgive her that one transgression.
I wish they wouldn't waste their time with a re-make on this one, but instead a part two. Yeh, that's the ticket! Mr. and Mrs. McCormack. Now living it up in the suburbs of southern Indiana. Kevin Bacon will reprise his role as Ren, of course. And yours truly will play Ariel. She's still got her boots 'Footloose' fans - only trouble is she's put on some weight and can't walk in them. Poor thing went and got MS. Can she dance from her wheelchair?
No? Not exactly a blockbuster I guess. Mr. Bacon can only sell so many tickets on his own. Anyways . . . what else could I star in? Any guesses? Amelia? You may be the only person in the world that knows where I'm going with this. *clears throat, yet again* and belts out at the top of her lungs, "Eeeeeeeaaaasy Street! Eeeaasy Street!" Anybody? Still with me?
'Annie' people! No, I didn't wanna be an orphan. Especially a pretencious little red-headed one with freckles. Geesh! I wanted to play Ms. Hannigan. Still do if the chance should ever present itself. I could play a bumbling drunk now better than ever. Right? Ha! No alcohol required. As scattered as my memory gets, I still to this day know every word to every song the brilliant Ms. Carol Burnett sang in that movie. "Little girls. Little girls. Everywhere I turn, I can see them."
And Oliver Warbucks. Hmmm. OK. I admit it. I had a thing for bald men even back then. Ha! Jason says, "Thank you, Daddy Warbucks!" My favorite song in the entire show is the duet between Hannigan and Warbucks. I think it's called, "Sign!" She croons, "Ya wanna smoochie, my little poochy?" whilst he threatens "Pen a tench ah ree!" She retorts, "JAIL?" Brilliance I tell ya! Brilliance!
If losing the part to my friend Tina who can sing rings around me with a severe case of bronchitis, strep, mono and a toothache all whilst chewing gum and blowing bubbles, well, suffice it to say I had a plan B. B that is for Bernadette Peters. I wouldn't have minded playing Tim Curry's floozy girlfriend.
As far as that goes being cast as Grace Ferrall wouldn't have broken my heart too much none either. Besides the fact she gets the baldy in the end I do love her, "let's go to the movies" bit. The bench scooting across the floor and all. She wasn't too bad a looker herself. No Bernadette, but who is? I remember finding her stunning in the yard when Warbucks compliments her hair, "Wear it down! I like it down!"
What next? Should we go full circle back to Horror flicks? I can't hardly stand to watch 'em these days. Too real. Strangers? Vacancy? House of 1,000 Corpses? No make believe unkillable monster types here. Just your average everyday ordinary freaks of nature that quite possibly truly do exist somewhere. Now, that's what's really scary. Wrong Turn? I know, right? Always know where you're going. Always! No short cuts. Beware of back roads.
Let's change genres shall we? Hate to cause any nightmares. What haven't we covered? Comedy? Too raunchy. Adult films? Refer to answer for comedy. Sci-Fi then? Drama? No! And for good reason. I got enuff of that in my own life. Thanks, but no thanks. So what was my point? Didn't have one. A theme? Not so much. Then why write? "Why waste our time?" asks my dear, devoted readers.
Welllll, I dunno. I'm stranded, remember? With nothin' but time and my laptop. **clears throat one last time this entry** "Stranded at the drive-in . . ." Awwww. Forget it! I wish I was at the drive-in. I'm over it. Guess I'm headin' back to Farmville. Later y'all!