Wednesday, July 7, 2010


LABYRINTH - An 80s classic starring David Bowie. One of my all-time favorite movies. The movie's lead, played by a then up and coming, Jennifer Connelly used to do nothing but annoy me, but although Sarah whines, "It isn't fair!" about a zillion times throughout the nearly 102 minute film, wellllll, . . . I am beginning to relate.

As I continue to worsen I become less and less sure as to which path to take to LIBERATION. "Left or right?" she wonders. And that blasted worm! That little bugger! "Wanna come in? Meet the Misses?" he inquires. Ha! To this I wanna reply, "First you come inside and meet the MS!" With that he'd surely tilt his head to the side as does Gooch when anything is asked of him. Then before he can respond, I introduce the bugger to the bottom of my boot! SQUASH!

What's that? No, I couldn't. First, it's quite simply logistically impossible. There's no way I could lift my leg as high as would be needed for just such an introduction. And second, that adorable little accent having Jim Henson creation is much too adorable to wear upon the soles my Pumas. I love him to pieces, and besides, one of the movie's most memorable lines comes from him. I remember it well. Shaking his little bug-eyed worm head in disgust he looks to the camera and proclaims, "If she'd have kept going that way, it would have taken her straight to the castle!" YIKES!

So me and Connelly's character have quite a bit in common. No, I don't sport beautiful raven locks. No, I don't run thru the rain with my pup . . . though I prolly would if I could --- barefoot and all! What I mean is . . . , wellllll, . . . I too wanna be left alone in my bedroom. I want all my stuffed animals just to myself. I want my lipstick to make myself pretty. Where the hell is the damn rewind button?

Please don't get me wrong!!! I don't wanna change anything. I wanna keep my boys and my husband. Even my pitbull. But I wanna go back to how I was back home. How I felt in Jr. High. Invincible. Nothing to worry about except maybe what to wear to Friday night's dance. Dad would be proud of my defense in the game. Mom would bring me chocolate milk to bed. My little sis would look up to me. What's sooo wrong with wanting all that back?

Newsflash movie-goers: the happy little sanctum I speak of - even long for - doesn't solve anything for anyone - including myself! Given everything she'd longed for, Sarah still needed to make it to the castle beyond the Goblin City to rescue her brother, Toby. And me? I need liberated to rescue my family. Huh? Is there an evil king holding them captive? Of course not, but I want to be a better Mom. A better wife. A better daughter. A better sister. A better aunt. A better friend.

So which way should I go? Left or right? They both look the same! Just as Bowie's uber sexy Jareth character gave Sarah everything she thought she'd ever wanted in an attempt to distract her from her true goal - I too am struggling with distractions. New symptoms. I should probably go to the hospital for steroids. Think I should? Sarah prolly would as she was awfully eager to follow that goblin bag lady in to her bedroom to enjoy all her prized possessions.

Turned out it was all fake and smack in the middle of a junkyard, however Sarah struggled at figuring this all out. Perhaps she was just slow. Or perhaps she'd wanted to be back in her room soooo bad . . . I dunno. What I do know is having steroids now may interfere with future test results. Remember? I need stenosis to be found. Steroids now would just be another temporary bandaid and possibly even a roadblock towards my ultimate goal - LIBERATION.

Plus those miraculous little ROID bastards age my insides. I'm only 34. My insides however prolly pushin' mid to late 80s or so. And the swelling. Weight gain. And severe, severe joint pain. Shriek! It hurts just thinkin' about it. I could blog on ROIDS alone. But I won't. I'll spare you kind readers. And yeh, . . . you're welcome. Now where was I?

Back to Sarah. Worse yet was her waking to discover herself at a masquerade ball. She was beautiful here with much more hair upon her head than she'd had the entire movie. Anyways, absolutely a vision. Stunning white hoop skirt. Shimmering, iridescent ball gown and all. And dancing with Bowie. Huh?! I've always been jealous of this scene. I mean, who wouldn't give in to this fantasy come true? C'mon, ladies, ya with me? No? Sarah hadn't been either. What a waste of Bowie.

So the way my warped mind sees it - my albeit brief remittance of MS symptoms, enjoyed post failed procedure was my dance with Bowie. And now, movie-goers - now I've fallen into the bog of eternal stench. I failed to mention it in my last entry, BUT my downward slope this time 'round brings me to the outskirts of Whoville.

What? Is the analogy hopping too much for ya? Stay with me now. Aside from Santa and Frosty, the mean ole Mr. Grinch is prolly my all-time favorite Christmas character. So the slope I'm on . . . , welllllll, . . . can't help but think of the slope between his rock and Whoville. I'm just sayin' . . .

Okay. Back to the bog. What's a girl to do? Nothin'. Nothin' at all without Hogwart! I mean Hoggle, of course. Sarah's best friend within the maze although frustrated at times, helps her at all costs. Thru the oobliet and past the cleaners. Without Hoggle Sarah would be lost. Just as I would be without Jason.

Next up, are the helping hands! That's you! All my new internet friends and dear ole friends still tolerating my analytical BS - y'all are the helping hands. Brilliant those hands! For weeks after my boys first saw the movie they were trying to mimick the hands' gestures and voices. Didn't we do that too, Amelia? And the guards! And the door knockers!

But on with the main players. Sir Didymus, the brave fox, and his trusty steed dog, Ambrocious (my boys) are inspiring sure, but constantly in-fighting and thus more of a distraction than an assist. Can you guess which kiddo is which character? Then there's the huge ferocious Loodo (Gooch), Sarah's ever faithful companion that proves not everything is as it seems. My scary looking pitbull, in comparison, is scared of butterflies. So much so that he leaps in his Mommy's lap to escape them. Hehehehe.

Oh, and the crazy guys that throw their heads around? The 'Chilly Down' guys? Any guesses as to who they so brilliantly represent? Anyone? Who'd wanna take my head off? Hit it like a golf ball with their leg? Crazy, right?! Exactly! My doctors. More harm than good, I tell ya. Hairy, google-eyed, catastrophies, all of 'em.

What was my point? Did I even have one? Perhaps I was just longing to write a movie review. What should I do? To ROID or not to ROID? That is the question. No? What is my telephone number? I have this sudden urge to watch LABYRINTH. Wanna join me?

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