Really? Cancelled? Terminated? Done? WHATEVER. Ahhhh, yeh. I'm fully aware thanks, but it was I that cancelled you Mr. Billboard. My family of four left you for greener pastures in 2011. Please, please let me explain. It was a tuff decision . . . NOT!
Ya see we left ya for an insurance company that covers "insert catheter in vein" as I believe you termed it. It goes by sooo many names these days. I prefer LIBERATION!!! But it can also be called a venogram. Venoplasty. It's very near kin to angioplasty. Ever heard of it? It too was experimental eons ago. But guess what? People got over it 'cause it saved lives.
Damn near what the procedure has gone and done for me. Given me quality of life back. Terminated my a$$. So once I clear up who kicked who's tookiss to the curb he continues, "Well it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are no longer a member and thus we do not have to allow you any further appeal." Oh yeh? Them was fightin' words. Jason left me the 300 today. Don't make me come over there!
Breathe in. And out. Makes me think of the radio skit, "How big a boy are ya?" Anyways I, as calmly as I could muster, explain that at the time of service I was still a member in good standing. Then of all things he tells me and I quote. Yes seriously. Pay close attention to this one. "You haven't had the procedure yet." WHAT? HUH? WHAT? REALLY? And this whole time I'd thought I was feeling better. Bunch of liars. Is there really even an Atlanta. Hello? Virginia? Is there really not a Santa Claus?
Only one word works here. And God forgive me please. But seriously?! Dumbass! So again with the phone silence as this new found bit of information has me baffled. No. A better word - bumfuzzleed. Anyways, I'd been knocked silent. And for anyone who truly knows me, that my friends, is hard to accomplish. Yet this Steve Billboard had gone and done it. I hope he didn't take it wrong but the next noise I could muster was a chuckle. And then a throat clearing to fight back the tears the pure upsurdity of the conversation had caused.
"I had my procedure successfully completed Dec. 10, 2010," I explained. And guess what? I think I baffled him this time 'round. Who in their right mind would pay out of pocket for an experimental procedure? Huh? Who indeed? More dead air. Then he explains I was not covered at that time. Then I explain I was. Then him. Then me. You get the jest. The long and the short of it was that I could go no further 'cause I was no longer a member.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. WHATEVER!!! I wasn't after $200. I was after $10,000. Grrrrrrr! So when we tired of the back and forth shenanigans I calmly asked, "What is it that you need from me next as I am no where near letting this go?!" And with that he suggested I start with having the facility that did the procedure send them a bill. NO PROBLEM! I would have thought they'd have done this already but perhaps because I arrived with $$$ in hand they hadn't seen the need. Or maybe they had and he was full of shit. Either way, I could call Atlanta. 'Cause yes Virginia they do exist! No biggie.
So I answer, quite simply, "No problem." And then he threatens that we'll have to start this whole denial and appeal process over again. Woooooo! So what? It's big money we're talking about here. If I don't get it out of them I'll still be paying on it in 5 years. You betcha I'm gonna fight for it. My cars gettin' old and about to hit 100,000 miles. The house needs a roof. The windows leak air. New carpet'd be nice. Remember, I can feel it now? I could go on and on here, but the point is --- INSURANCE SHOULD PAY!
So I thank him. Yeh, I know right? Overkill maybe. But Momma taught me manners. (FYI she also taught me to fight HARD and never give up. NEVER! Not even with your dying breath! Know why? 'Cause if your breathin' you ain't dyin' - just sayin' . . .) Again, I digress. So I thank him. And then I take a break to relax my jaw. HUH? Yeh, you read me right. Relax my jaw. Having realized I'd been gritting my teeth for much too long at that point I needed a Coke and some Advil. Darned headache. I needed a nap.
And I tried but needed to get this all off my chest. And awwww, doesn't that feel better? No? Well it does for me. Blogging (aka, bitching) can be very therapeutic. Wonder if the insurance was billed for blogging therapy if they'd cover it? Experimental? No, wait - I've been cancelled. Dah, dah, daaaah! Cue dramatic/sarcastic music.
Next then? Next I call Atlanta and write a letter requesting my appeal, THIS APPEAL, be brought to the next level. We spent plenty of our own money the first trip. Why shouldn't I fight for that too? Oh yeh. And be expectin' another appeal on the procedure. You know, the one I'm almost sure I had. And while your at it go on and bump it up to super dooper appeal status 'CAUSE I AIN'T CHANGIN' MY MIND!!!