Saturday, May 15, 2010

Liberation ~ FAIL, Maybe Not

Allllllllrrrrrrighty then! We get there and everyone is super nice. We get checked in and don't even have to show insurance cards or licenses or promise our first born child as a form of payment. Smooth . . .

Seeing my infamous hobble walk I was promptly offered a wheelchair and pushed a new waiting area via elevator. My very kind chaueffer also pointed out potential areas of interest during our jaunt. "The cafeteria is just to your left and the bathrooms up ahead to the right," she explained. "And hon, there'll be a little bump here," she warned as the terrain changed to carpet.

We sat just long enough for me to call my mom and direct Jason as to when he needed to call her back with updates. I knew it was just killing her not being there. It's okay, Mom, I above all others understand. There is sooo much stuff I wanna do too, that I can't. Maybe when I get myself back on track again I can help you with you.

Just as we'd began complimenting the comfortable new rocking chairs they called for me. "Angela?" And back I went, to my dismay, alone already?! First weight, height, and blood pressure followed by instructions on how to get in a hospital gown. I hadn't been a hospital resident in over 2 years now so I politely listened to directions as a refresher course. Back in the day I could put one of them jobbies on blind-folded with one hand tied behind my back.

Next, as nurse after nurse searched for a vein willing to allow an IV drip, I took part in a question answer session. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. It took five nurses to find one. The entire time they searched I kept thinking to myself, "Ha! Suckas! Just try and tell me I don't have a venous problem!" Then to the shaving. Buzzzzz.

And then my nurse says to another, "I guess we can send that gorgeous husband of hers back now." Yeh, that's right! Send him on! And not long after, in comes Jason followed closely by his mom and dad. In no time at all it had seemed we were "On the Road Again." Pop Quiz: Who of my all time favorite singers made this song famous? Hint: It ain't Prince. Time's up. It was made famous my Mr. Willie Nelson. I love you, Willie!

So a kiss for the road and I'm feeling a little more at ease now than I had been since Stacy was there. THANK YOU STACY! YOU WERE WONDERFUL! Stacy and I go sooo far back having been in 4-H and showing horses together that she didn't even check my I.D. bracelet. Hope that didn't getcha in trouble, Stace. Anyways, knowing she'd be in there with me the entire time was really nice. Once there they tried repeatedly to cover me in heated blankets. "No, means, no!" Stacy finally put her foot down and informed everyone I didn't need one. Again, thank you, Stacy!

They commenced to prepping me. More shaving?! Monitors her and stickers there. Arm rests and head rests and tape. What's this? They actually taped my head down to the table. Stacy? Where was you for that one girl? Now that was plum weird. Neccessary, I suppose, but weird for sure. Then cover off, gown up and away we go . . . ahhhh, anybody gonna give me anything to help me relax? "We already have," answered the nice man nurse who moments earlier was taping my head to the table.

Had he done it himself? Was he sure? I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, shit!" I hope I hadn't said it out loud. Surely Stacy would have laughed if I had. Enter my hero doc. He says he'd gone thru everything we'd left with him and that there'd be a pinch. "Oh shit!" I'd thought again but remained silence aside from a wimper of pain. I so feared feeling the catheter pass thru my heart, but after my belly button I lost track of it until a crackling in my neck. A crackling with bright sparkly stars to be exact. It was as if I was in a cartoon.

Okay. After typing about the cartoon, I must admit, maybe they had given me a little something to relax me. A little. But, not enough. I was a big girl. Maybe a horse tranquilizer would be in order. Stacy? Where'd you go, girl? I need some drugs. Snap, crackle, pop. Stars danced before my open eyes. Pop, crackle, snap. Now that was weird, but I was afraid to close my eyes. Sure my head was taped down, but that wasn't gonna keep me from missing anything.

Next out of the doc was, "Can you make that darker?" I didn't answer assuming he was talking to one of the technicians. But, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd found something. An area not showing up as dark as it should've would indicate a flow problem. Yippee! If only my head had not been taped down or a catheter inside of me all the way up to my eyeballs, I would have jumped for joy. Seconds after this premature celebration he tells me he's going to go in again thru the veins to have a better look.

This is it. This is it. Praise God! This just has to be it. By golly, I'm gettin' LIBERATED today. The entrance this cath made was not as pleasant as the one before it. Ouch! But as I fought back tears of pain and joy, I endured thinking of Denise jumping and of running in the backyard with my boys. Any pain they had in store for me would suffer in comparison to the joy I would feel after. "Where's Jason?" I wondered. I wanted to share this with him. This just had to be it. We'd made it to the Emerald City! Or had we?

Strike 1 (to be continued)

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