Thursday, March 25, 2010

Ham, Beans, and Revelations (aka Pt. 2)

I was too pumped to sleep. Sunday morning came fast. It would have been easy to sleep in, (we did miss Sunday School), but I longed for God's presence. I believe He is with me always but even more so when I enter His home. More so still at Point Township Church of the Nazarene. God is good!

That particular Sunday the pastor (my uncle, btw) preached on crossroads. Exactly what I'd needed. How could he have known? Hmmmm? The message said to give your life to God. Sure I'm paraphrasing here, but, if you come to a crossroads just chill out. Wait! Allow God to nudge you in whatever direction, His direction. Praise God!

And Sharon just happened to sing "The Lighthouse" to which I sang along with every word. I hadn't heard it in eons, but it all came rushing back to me. The days of traveling with The Kings Messengers. I began to cry remembering even how I had felt back then. At that very moment I experienced somewhat of a break through if you will.

In short, I was coming to the realization, God-willing, I might could have my old self back. And as luck/coincidence/Divine Intervention (you decide) would have it I just so happened to have an appointment with my neurologist approaching.

Sidenote: Had it not been for needing scrips for refills I would have cancelled this appointment earlier in the week, before the new hope. At my last appointment there was nothing new and my symptoms were only gradually worsening, so we did nothing but acknowledge that although steadily progressing my deterioration was only gradual.

Yeah! Was I suppose to celebrate? Not another Madonna reference, c'mon?! Hardly! I left my previous neuro appointment discouraged only to swing by my family doc with my mom the next week to have him reassure me (yes, I'm attempting sarcasm), "Well, hon, you have MS." Duh! Like I of all people didn't know?! I have been becoming more and more aware of my situation each day since my diagnosis, thank you very much sir! My momma taught me to be polite.

To explain, I pass more and more on things my two kiddos would probably love to take part in. Depth perception issues and an extemely heavy right leg hinder my driving. So I fail at being even a drop off mom.

With various family members help it wasn't until just this past summer the boys took swimming lessons. What kind of loser mom does that make me? At 9 and 6 they still struggle with 2 wheelers cause their momma can't go out and get hot. And even when weather allows I don't have the strength or coordination to run alongside them.

We have fewer and fewer friends because we (I mean I) just can't go here or do that or whatever it is friends do to maintain friends. And going anywhere without Jason terrifies me. He truly is my protector. Although Amelia actually picked me up at a wedding I fell at (in her maid of honor gown no less), and I'm sure she'd do it again, my Jason is always there. He's so good he can even catch me before I fall.

So where were we? At church? Praising God, not Jason, right? OK, off to Aunt Ann's for a phenomenal lunch of ham and beans then to my couch and laptop. Research til my eyes ached.

Monday was more of the same complete with forehead smacking moments wondering why simple, obvious correlations hadn't been made sooner. I feel robbed of 10 years. I'm sure Jason must too, and my poor boys - now that's a horse of a different color. Having never met the real me, at least they don't know what they're missing . . .

(Pt. 3 coming soon to a computer near you)

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