Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Wall, The Break, and The Fall

So not wanting to mess up his Perfect Attendance (and because I didn't really think he'd broke it) Abel was off to school behind Asa that beautiful Monday morning. I sent a note along with him explaining we'd see a doc after school, but to please go easy on him.

Then alone with Gooch and Dell the research began again. Off fast, only to come screeching to a halt. "Whoooooooaaaaaaa," screamed my inner voice. Not one from me or Amelia, but a deep, meaningful one like from my Grandpa. A "Whoa!" that would make every horse on the place stop in his tracks. Dr. Sclafani had been shut down. Stopped. 135 scheduled patients, not cancelled, they explained, just shuffled. Postponed? Forever possibly? I sat in disbelief awhile. Checked around a couple places to confirm. Yep. The powers that be shut him down declaring what he was doing research, blah, blah, blah. And research can't be done on humans without blah, blah, blah.

Research hell! I won't bore you with the details. But c'mon if veins are blocked and causing trouble shouldn't they be cleared out? MS or no MS? Does this mean if I have a heart attack (which runs in my family by the way) I won't be treated as a regular heart patient would because I have MS? Screw you MS and your little dog too!

Alright, back to the story . . . so no more Sclafani. I was really on his list this time. I wanted to go to bed and cry. I didn't have the energy to make it upstairs. I prayed for energy. Not to go cry in the comfort of my own bed, but I wanted to be able to take my baby to see a doc. I wanted to be there for him and I needed to hear some good news today.

"What? Really, Doc? A break? Ouch!" I felt just horrible. Jason did too. And I'm positive Abel did. Heck, he'd even been in pain. Poor fish! As weak as I'd become throughout the weekends festivities, I'm glad I forced myself along for this. My poor baby. And that huge scary X-ray machine. He sat so big and strong on the exam table but I could tell he wanted on my lap. And it's for damn sure I wanted him there too. So back home and guess where I went? Yep. You got it, first guess - bed.

So Tuesday morning we were off early to see an ortho doc. And, boy, am I glad I came along for this one. This lady squeezes along his arm until she finds the break. What are X-rays for? Abel cried out and lept maybe 10 ft. from the doc's grasp to my lap, tears flying. Waling in pain. Lucky his mom's crippled lady, 'cause if she hadn't been, mmm, mmm, mmm. I wanted at that very moment to cause that woman PAIN! Maybe I was over reacting. Maybe I was being over-protective. The only fights I got in at school were ones where some poor unfortunate souls (yeh, they both were guys) called my baby sister fat. Shame on 'em and shame on this doctor! And, o.k. fine, shame on me too. I may have been looking for someone to take my frustration out on.

Tuesday night, thankfully uneventful. Wednesday morning homework was rough but Asa made the bus and all was going well. I had made my mind up to call about my test results even with Sclafani's shut down. Maybe, just maybe, if blockages had shown up really well I could find a vascular doc of my own to do some plumbing work. So we've talked about the wall and the break . . . LOOKOUT, now comes the fall! Shifting to dodge Gooch's retreat from those ferocious balloons, I fell, H ~ A ~ R ~ D !

First, I clobbered poor, unsuspecting Dell. Slam! He was closed, lickedy split, and came crashing to the floor before me. Then the outside of my right leg caught the arm of the couch. Somehow or the other I twisted myself mid fall trying to align the ole butt with the ole couch to stop this trip before it really got going. Again, I failed. The underneath of my upper right arm then smacks the sharp end of the huge table we have in front of the couch. I come to rest between the aforementioned table and couch just barely enough room between the two for my plus sized model self to fit. I lie there just long enough to recognize a new pain in my side. What could that be? A Wii remote, gamers! I had landed on a Wii remote.

Abel bless his soul, ran for the phone and wanted to call Daddy. I assured him I was o.k. trying to keep my moans and groans to a minumum as I struggled up. I yelled at the dog to get in his cage and Abel said, "but Mom, Goochie didn't touch ya!" I replied to my brilliant little man, "Well, I can't put my MS in the cage so Gooch will have to do." He's told the terrible tale to several now - each time blaming Gooch for the fall.

A short drive to take Abe to school, I sure didn't feel like making it so when Granny and Papa called to offer. Yes! Absolutely! That'd be great! And they brought us lunch too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And that's not all, they stuck around and straightened the house. I made the trek upstairs to nap, I couldn't risk another fall - not with witnessess. They'd have hauled me off to a doc for sure. God bless 'em, they already wanted me to go for X-rays. Anyways, I've said it before, but it is too hard on me to watch someone work. Jason says, "Get over it!" I know. I'm trying. But today I'm trying and I'm hurting so I think I'll go to sleep.

And sleep I did. At 10 'til 3 my alarm woke me and I was sore, man was I sore, but I made my way downstairs to see my boys off the bus. Papa and Granny stayed awhile to see how the boys' day had been. Then we hit the Wii hard 'til Daddy made it home. And he came bearing gifts. Well, more like mail, really. To add insult to injury my MRI and MRV results had come in the mail. Huh? There was a note on one of the photocopied print outs that read: Tell patient nothing out of the ordinary.

So ya think maybe that would have meant the patient was to have been called? Nah. Surely not. Let's photocopied all this medical jargon she won't understand and just mail it to her. Muah, ha ha ha! Whatever! Some of the medical talk I can actually understand thanks to 10+ yrs. of having this crappy disease. Some I understand from common sense. Like the fact nothing in my neck was tested as I had asked it to be, duh! And guess what? There's this nifty new thing called the internet. Ever heard of it? It's got this thing where you can type in stuff and hit enter. And then, here comes the good part, you can get stuff that tells you about the stuff. Wow! Right?

Fine so nothing. MS is confirmed. There are lesions. An active one about 1 cm long on the upper right quadrant, bla bla bla. No signifigant nothing on the veins near the top of the head. Duh. Hello, McFly! The blockages have all been in the neck and upper chest. My God, I can't believe people are trusting such idiots with their lifes. I become so incredibly over all of this at that point. Shut down the good guys and stay stupid cashing your monthly checks from big pharma. I will stay disabled. Thanks! And Buh-bye!

Then of all things Jason gives me a kiss and a hug and says go on to bed early (like I wasn't going to anyway, right?) and reminds me everything happens for a reason. Great! Trudging up the stairs I think to myself, yeh, a lady's life was saved yesterday because I have MS and didn't have the strength to kill her with my bare hands for hurting my baby. OK, seriously, I do believe things happen for a reason . . .

I know. I know. Get an Orth mad and tell them they can't do something. Or can't have something. Then just sit back and watch. They'll do it. They'll have it. I'm getting it now. I may have to fight for this thing. Maybe being on some list just wasn't enough. Then as the fire began to burn again, albeit slowly, I watched one of my all time favorite show's in the whole wide world - America's Next Top Model.

My top two girls are in the bottom. And the mortician turned wannabe model who's let go this episode proclaims she wants what she wants now and she may have to take another road to get there but she'll get there. For a ditsy blond model, wellllll, nicely put I must say. I couldn't have said it any better myself. And the message, whether divinely intended for me or not, was received loud and clear. Couldn't you hear it? It said, "Fight!"

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